My Saving Grace
by NormanReedus
Summary: I remember the first day we met; I knew I found 'the one'. He was funny and made me smile; I called him Surfer Boy for the longest time. He and Happy became best friends by being cell-mates in prison. We talked to each other some during the visitation I had with Happy. He made everything better for me, he was my saving grace. Kozik/OC
1. Homecoming

My Saving Grace

_By: NormanReedus_

_Homecoming_

* * *

Tacoma, Washington, was next on my list, I had to go back home; I had to see my brother and family. I had to make sure everyone was whole. From Lodi, California I made it this far and I wasn't turning back. I wasn't going back to being beaten every day, being held hostage either. I was in luck when I got out. I killed a man, five actually, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

_Welcome to Tacoma, Washington— We hope you enjoy your stay!_ I smiled as I was finally home. I pulled into the SAMTAC bar and clubhouse, seeing a couple of bikes in the front. I got out my car, putting my gun into my waistband. I walked in the bar and saw my brother, who I haven't seen in over two years.

"Hap." I whispered, hobbling over to him. He looked at me and got up, rushing to me. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to him, "Oh god, Hap."

"Fuck Camilla." He said, his raspy voice sounding like music to my ears, "I've looked and looked for you. Where were you?"

I pulled away and winced, my whole body hurt. "I was kidnapped. I dealt with the problem though. I need to get some tests done and all that shit." I said, walking towards the bar.

"Wait, kidnapped?" He asked, "By who?"

"Calaveras. The guy's name is Hector Salazar. I killed six of his men when he left with his girlfriend." I said, looking up at him. His faced softened, he trailed his thumb over my split cheek. I hissed and grabbed his hand, "I learned a lot of shit while I was there."

"Like what?" He asked, sitting me at the bar. Lorca put a beer in front of me and kissed my head.

"I'm happy you got out, babe. We've missed our Lady Killa." He said, with a smile. I nodded and grinned.

"Thanks Lorc, means a lot. I've missed yal, too." I said, hugging him lightly. I looked at Happy and took my shirt off, showing him, Lorca, Bowie and Donut my bruises, cuts and scars. Happy's face hardened looking at him, his jaw clenched together. "They beat me and raped me every day, sometimes more than once."

"What the fuck?" Donut said, gaping and sitting in his seat. I saw a tear slip out of Happy's eyes, I reached up and wiped them away. He took my hands in his, kissing my palms.

"I will never let anything else happen to you again." He said, looking at me. I nodded and felt tears burn my eyes, "Camilla, I promise you."

"I know, I believe you Hap." I replied, looking up at him. He kissed my forehead and nodded, "Where is Koz at?" I asked, looking around.

"He's getting out of rehab tomorrow." Bowie spoke up. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked between the four guys.

"Why is he in rehab?" I asked, feeling my heart race.

"After you vanished, he got bad off into drugs. He couldn't take you not being with him. It scared him that you were never coming back." Happy explained, rubbing my arms. I took a minute to let everything seep in, my eyes widened, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"He's in rehab because of me?" I asked, lip quivering. The four shook their heads, disagreeing with my question.

"No, no, no." Lorca said, "No sweetheart, he was hurting. He wanted to kill himself because of what happened."

"Can I go tomorrow with yal?" I asked, looking at them. They nodded and pulled me into a group hug. I sighed, feeling lucky enough that I was here with my family. The door burst open of the bar, making us pull away. It was the SAMCRO guys.

"Camilla?" Juice asked, I nodded and hobbled over to him, hugging him. The guys surrounded me, bringing me in a hug.

"Our princess is back!" Jax exclaimed, "Where have you been?"

"Calaveras kidnapped me. I've been holed up for two years." I replied, looking at them, "Killed five of Salazar's men. Left when he and his girl went out."

"Holy shit." I heard Clay say, he leaned over and kissed my head, hugging me lightly, "You took down five guys alone?"

I nodded, "I got tired of being raped and beaten every day. It was rare that Salazar left me alone with them. He's in with the Mayan's. Marcus Alvarez has been over there to the place where I was held at. They talked about more than just gun shipments. They're wanting in prostitution and drugs."

"What the fuck?" Chibs' thick Scottish accent sounded through my ears. I nodded and looked over at him, smiling sadly.

"Yeah, they are doing a deal of sorts. Calaveras are going under pretty much and Salazar is wanting patch-over to the Mayans. Alvarez doesn't think that's a good idea; he's just playing along with Salazar." I explained, looking at them.

"How are you so calm about all this, doll?" Tig asked, looking at me. I shrugged and bit my lip.

"I'll break down later. Right now, I'm back on my A-game. I hurt, I'm sore and I need to clean the cuts I have." I said, "I want to drink the night away and not wake up until tomorrow morning." No one said anything, they just nodded; "Am I still in the Sons?"

"Of course. You'll always be in the Sons, sweetheart." Clay said, as everyone agreed. I smiled and nodded, taking a swig of my beer.

"Remind me before I get too obliterated to get my bags out of the car. I need to drive to get rid of it as well." I said, absentmindedly to no one.

"Do you know if Salazar knew you were a Son?" Jax asked. I shrugged and looked at him.

"I didn't have my kutte on that day. I remember going shopping at the bridal store in LA with Jill," I paused, "By the way, where is she?" I looked at Lorca. His eyes fell, his face softening.

"She died." He said, looking at me.

"What? How?" I asked, walking to him.

"After you were taken, she called me. She was panicking, she didn't know what to do. She said she was laughing with you and the next thing, you were on the ground in blood. The ambulance came by and these Mexicans got out, getting you. She didn't think anything of it—she was on the way to the hospital, she had a tail." He paused, breathing heavily, "She told me she had one and I told her to detour. She did, but the tail followed her the whole way. She was on the phone with me as she died."

Tears fell down my eyes, I sniffed and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I cried in his chest—I thought she was okay. She was supposed to be my bridesmaid—she was supposed to be my daughters godmother, "Lorc, I'm so sorry."

"She's in a better place, sweetheart. It's not your fault, but if I find him, I will kill him." He said, looking at me. I nodded and wiped my eyes, leaning up to him and kissing his cheek, "If you didn't already."

"If I didn't, then you and I will kill him slowly and painfully." I winked at him. He smiled and nodded, the guys surrounded us hollered and clapped.

"Lady Killa is back!" Bobby yelled, patting my back. I looked at Happy, who was sitting at the bar, staring ahead in deep thinking. I walked over to him, turning him in his seat. I scooted between his legs and laid my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist. He hesitated, but put his arms around me, pulling me into him.

"I love you Cam." He whispered, I nodded and kissing his neck.

"I love you Hap." I replied, "I'm happy I'm here."

"Me too, baby girl. Me, too. I know one woman who will be happy to see you." He murmured in my hair.

"How is she?" I asked, pulling my head from his shoulder, looking at him.

"She's alright. Just misses you the most." He said, his black eyes matching mine.

"I miss her, too. Maybe Sunday you and I can take a ride to see her." I said, "I miss him, too."

"I know you do, Cam. I tried to help him, I did. He never cheated on you, he never done the whole 'What happens on a run, stays on a run', he drank the whole time. He became the biggest asshole." He said, chuckling.

"That's my man." I said, giggling, "Been around you too long." I winked at him. He smiled and nodded, "But that's okay. You two are mine, and I wouldn't trade you two for anything in the world."

"Good, because no matter what, you are stuck with me. And I know he wouldn't ever leave you, so yeah, you're stuck with him, too." Happy replied, nodding. I smiled and kissed his cheek, "I'm happy you're home."

"Me too, bubba." I replied, hugging him once more. I walked to the back of the bar to the dorms of Kozik and I's room. I opened the door and smelled his cologne. I smiled and walked to the bathroom, seeing his razors on the counter of the sink, along with needles. Tears welled into my eyes, seeing small drops of blood on the counter top. I leaned down and turned the water on, letting the tub fill up.

I shunned my clothes, stepping into the warm almost hot water. I added coconut and peach bubble bath and slid down into the water, letting it consume around me. The tears never subsided though—the room looked just like I left it those two years ago, but the bathroom? The bathroom looked fairly used. The needles, his razor… the blood; it was all because I was kidnapped. No matter what the others say, this was my fault. I sat up and cried out loudly, sobbing for my Old Man.

"Cam?" I heard a knock on the door, "Cam, baby girl, are you okay?" It was Happy.

"Cami? Sweetheart, are you alright?" That was Juice. The door opened, I looked up at them and bit my lip—not able to quit crying.

"It's all my fault." I said, pointing to the sink, "Every last bit of it is."

"No, Cami, no." Juice started, kneeling down by my legs, "It's not your fault, sweetheart."

"Then why? Why would he do this to himself? There is needles and blood on the counter top. Me being gone, done this to him." I said, looking up to them with blurry eyes. Happy reached over and wiped my tears away.

"It's not your fault, baby." Happy said, looking at me, "He couldn't take it. He didn't know where you were, he was scared."

"He took it extremely hard, sweetheart. He was terrified; we couldn't find you. You know how good I am on computers, but I couldn't find you. I tried to ping your cell, but I'm guessing it was destroyed. He didn't give up hope, but he thought it was easing the hurt." Juice explained, I bit my lip, til I tasted the metallic taste of blood.

"I hurt him though. We got in an argument on the way down to LA—I hung up on him. He probably thought that I left him, left him. Like I didn't love him anymore. I love him with all my heart, you two know that." I said, looking at them. Their faces softened, eyes became sad.

"He knows that, too, Cam. He knows you love him, because he loves you more than anything in this world. He was hurting baby." Happy said, I nodded.

"I just want him with me. I want us to never argue again, I don't want to be away from him anymore." I said, looking at them. They nodded and smiled weakly.

"You two will go on the same run—Lee and Clay have already said that." Juice replied, making me nod. I sniffed, wiping my eyes, "I'll take care of the needles and blood, okay?"

"Alright. Thank you Juicy. Thank you Hap." I said, looking at them. The nodded and smiled.

"Anything for my baby girl." Happy said, leaning over and kissing my head.

"Anything for my best friend." Juice winked and smiled. I smiled and looked at them.

"I love you both, so, so much." I said as they got up.

"I love you, Cami." Juice replied, cleaning the needles and blood up, putting the dirty towels and needles in the bag. He walked out the bathroom, leaving Happy standing against the wall.

"I love you Camilla. You are my baby girl, my sister, no matter what." He said, leaning down once more and kissing my head. I bit my lip, watching him walk out the bathroom. I sighed and slipped back down into the tub, letting the warmth soak into my aching body.

"I love you Koz, I love you so much." I whispered, closing my eyes, hoping that he was still thinking about me. I couldn't wait to see him tomorrow—two years without him and my brother, my family, my brothers, have been the worst ever.

I grabbed the loofa and my peach orchid body-wash, and washed my body. I shaved the needed areas and stood up and turning the shower head on. I stood under the head, rinsing my body. I grabbed Koz's shampoo and washed my hair. After I washed and rinsed myself, I got out and wrapped a towel around my body.

I walked into the bedroom and straight to the closet. I grabbed Kozik's SAMCRO t-shirt and slipped it over my head, letting it pool around my thighs. I slipped a pair of panties on, then a pair of black shorts. I wrapped my hair up in the towel and walked out of the room, down the hall, and to the bar.

"We're getting Kozik tomorrow at 9AM, Cam if you want to ride his bike, you can. If you can't handle it, it's alright." Lee said at the bar. I nodded and walked over to Happy, who was sitting at a table. I sat on his leg, and curled into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. I sighed, feeling whole, but lost at the same time—I just hope that no one hated me.

"You okay?" Happy asked, I bit my lip and nodded.

"Yeah." I said, "Just thinking, that's all."

He nodded, and sighed, rubbing my back, "Before you go to bed, we need to get you bandaged up."

"Okay." I said, kissing his cheek. I bit my lip and dozed off into a light sleep. I felt Happy lay his cheek against my head, rocking us slightly.

"We gonna throw a party tomorrow for both of them?" I heard Bobby asked, and felt Happy nod against me, "They deserve it. Finally after two years, they are together again. I am so happy she's back. She's one of the strongest women I know."

"Yeah, she is. She's been through a lot. Monday I'm gonna have her go to doctor—what she told me earlier really put a lot of shit in perspective. If I find Salazar on the street, he's as good as dead." Happy's raspy voice boomed.

"Trust me, I understand completely. Man, I remember when your Uncle China used to ride you and him around on the bikes when you were kids. That little girl was in love with her big brother, she still is now." Bobby said, "You don't find family that is like that. If it come down to life or death between you and her—she'd let you live."

"I know, and I would do the same with her. If she picked me to live, I'd kick her fucking ass. She does more than anyone of the entire club. Yeah, she may have been kidnapped for two years, but she knows more than anyone about the inside work." Happy said, kissing my head.

"She's always been a smart girl, catches onto stuff way too quickly. She's a true Son, one of the most loyal ones that I've ever seen in my life." Bobby replied, leaning down and kissing my head. I stirred and sat up, kissing Happy on his cheek, then Bobby. I got up and hugged Juice then kissed his cheek, moving to Chibs, then Tig, then Clay, Jax and Opie. I moved to my guys, doing the same as I did with the others.

I told them goodnight, then walked through the bar back to the dorms. I walked into our room, to the bathroom and started cleaning the cuts on my stomach. After cleaning and bandaging them, I grabbed his kutte from the chair and smiled, running my hands over his patches. I laid in the middle of the bed, facing his side, breathing in his scent. I put his kutte on his pillow and wrapped my arm around it as if it was him there. Finally, after getting comfortable, I kissed his kutte and fell into a light sleep.


	2. Are You Real?

My Saving Grace

_By: NormanReedus_

_Are You Real?_

* * *

"Jenalay Camilla, get up baby girl!" Happy's raspy voice pulled me from my sleep as the bed dipped behind me. I sat up and looked at him, smiling widely.

"I get to see my Old Man today. He's coming home Hap." I whispered, biting my lip, not being able to contain my smile. He chuckled and nodded, smirking.

"He is, so you need to get up and get dressed so we can go get him." He said, leaning down and kissing my head. I nodded and got out of bed and got dressed as quick as I could. I put on make-up, making the bruises less visible, then fixed my hair in a braid. I grabbed my black zip up Nike hoodie and put it on, then slipped my kutte over it. I grabbed my black bandana and tied it around my head.

I grabbed his kutte and walked out of the room to the bar. I met up with the guys, who all had smiles on their faces, "Let's go get my man!" The guys hollered, clapping their hands and walking out of the bar. I got on Kozik's bike and started it up, then put my earphones in my ear. I played the list of songs that Kozik and I loved the most. Lee nodded me to go first, I smiled and took off. Lee fell out with Clay, then Jax and Happy, then Opie and Tig, then Lorca and Donut, then Chibs and Bobby, then Juice and Bowie. Even though Tig and Kozik didn't get along, he was still going for the ride.

Tig was once the Sgt. at Arms in Tacoma. He and Kozik used to be best friends and roommates, until they had a falling out over a dog, Missy. She was a gorgeous German Shepherd, but nothing to fight about. Tig left for Charming, and left her behind—Kozik took her to care for her. Tig thinks Kozik stole Missy from him, but he didn't. He loved that dog just as much as Tig did; he even cried when she died.

We were going to SAMCRO's Rehab. It was a facility for all of the Sons, not just SAMCRO. There was a lot of Sons that check into the Rehab; SAMCRO just founded it. One of the First 9 decided that since back then that more charters were running blow, that there was always a tweaker somewhere mixed in the bunch. The Rehab was located in Salem, Oregon, which was only three hours away from Tacoma.

I smiled as the song, _Turn the Page _by Metallica, flooded through the earphones. I started singing along with the song as we got on the interstate. We were almost there, and I couldn't wait to wrap my arms around his waist. I couldn't wait to kiss his lips and have him wrapped around me.

I remember the first day we met; I knew I found 'the one'. He was funny, he made me smile; I called him Surfer Boy for the longest time. He and Happy became best friends by being roommates in prison. We talked to each other some during the visitation I had with Happy. He made smile when I found out that Happy was in solitary for being a guy up to get protection—he also covered Kozik's ass. The hit was actually for Kozik, from a dead charter now, but Happy stepped in and almost killed the guy that was after Kozik. At that time in prison, Kozik was a prospect.

The only thing in return that Happy wanted from Kozik was to make sure I was taken care of—because I mean the most to him, other than our Ma. After he and Kozik got out, Happy took Kozik's advice and went to Tacoma. We packed up from Bakersfield and left for Tacoma, and we've been there ever since. I'm thirty-three now, Happy and Kozik are forty-one; we've been there since I was eighteen and them twenty-six.

SAMTAC was set up just like SAMCRO was. It had the auto shop and then the bar and clubhouse. Kozik got Happy and I a job at Tacoma Auto; then Happy and I started prospecting with Kozik. Day after day Kozik and I got closer; we were put in situations where we had to depend on each other. Happy and I were originally supposed to be patched-in because of Uncle Chino, but we decided we didn't want any 'bitch treatment', as we called them. We wanted to earn our stripes, and we did.

I looked down at the gas gage, seeing I was low on fuel. I waved my hand, indicating to stop at the gas station. Five miles later, we were at the Sunoco Gas Station in Portland. I quickly gassed up and walked in, buying a carton of Marlboro Black and a bottle of water. After paying, I walked out to the bike and lit a cigarette quickly, and took a sip of water. I put the bottle of water and the carton of cigarettes in the saddlebags. I got on the bike and started it up and smiled at the guys.

I started back out of the parking lot, and back onto the highway. We were so close to Kozik, and I couldn't fucking wait to get there. Guns N' Roses sounded through my earphones, _Don't Cry_ started playing. I started singing along with the song and just like that, we were in Salem, Oregon.

I pulled into the parking lot of SAMCRO Rehab and parked. I was shaking with happiness and excitement. I looked at the time, it was only 8:50 AM. I groaned and lit another cigarette, sitting on his bike. The guys parked and got off their bikes, walking towards me.

"Calm down sweetheart." Chibs chuckled, wrapping his arm around me. I giggled and nodded, "Ya holdin' up pretty good, considerin' what 'appened lass."

"Yeah, can't grieve about it. After the first couple of weeks, I hardened up." I said, looking up at him. He smiled, and kissed my head.

"You are tha strongest lass I know; other than Gemma." He replied, pulling me up. I took a drag of my cigarette, inhaling slowly. I bit my lip and chuckled.

"For a while there, I didn't think I was going to get out. I went two years too long, I could've prevented this. If I got out the first chance, we wouldn't be here having this conversation." I said, shaking my head in disappointment.

"Lass, this isn't ya fault, oka?" He asked, hugging me, I nodded in his chest, "Just believe the ole' lad. Everyone loves ya, more than ya know lass."

I looked up at him and kissed his cheek, "Thank you Chibs. That means a lot to me." I pulled away and leaned against him, finishing my cigarette. I stumped it out, and stretched, feeling my bones crack. I rolled my neck and looked at the time; 8:52 AM.

"Cami, the doors are about to open." Juice said, smiling widely. I grinned and wrapped my arm around his neck, kissing his cheek. We walked closer to the facility and Happy walked up, kissing my temple. Clay and Lee walked up and checked if the door was open, and to our luck, it was. I could barely keep my excitement down. My heart pounded through my chest, what if Kozik didn't want me?

Lee and Clay led the pact, we followed in suit to the desk. As Lee and Clay talked to the facilitator, Deegan Smith, the guys started clapping. I looked from behind Happy's back and saw him. I breathed heavily, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. Jax and Juice pulled me from behind Happy, to where Kozik could see me. He stopped in his tracks, his eyes widened, and a smile tugging his lips, "Baby," He whispered out.

"Koz!" I exclaimed, running towards him. He dropped his bags, I leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly. He swung us around, I clung onto him tighter, wrapping my legs around his waist, "I've missed you so fucking much. God, I love you Koz. I love you so fucking much. So, so much." The claps were loud, followed by whoops and hollers. I leaned back, looking at his face. I placed my hands on his cheeks, bringing his lips to mine. He slipped his tongue between my lips, tangling itself with mine.

"Quit hoggin' 'im darlin'!" Chibs yelled, making me flip them off. I pulled away and bit my lip, running my hands through his hair. He placed my feet on the ground, pulling me into a hug. I hissed lightly, wrapping my arms around his waist. If you asked me what was more important of Kozik or my sore bones, it would be Kozik without a doubt.

"Are you real?" He asked, as the guys chuckled, "Where have you been? I thought you ran from me." His eyes glistened with tears, I shook my head, as the tears fell down my face.

"Why would I leave you, Koz? You are it for me." I whispered, looking up at him. He wiped my tears away, dipping his head and kissing me once more, "I was kidnapped. I didn't know Jill was dead until yesterday. Let's go home, and I'll tell you about it."

"I love you so much, Cam." He whispered, pressing his lips to mine again. I smiled and pulled away, grabbing his hand.

"I love you, too, Koz." I replied, pulling him behind me. We walked to the guys, they surrounded us in a big group hug. The guys individually hugged Kozik, even Tig, before we checked him out completely of the Rehab center. Bobby gave Kozik his cut and hugged him one more. We walked out of the center and to the bikes.

"You drive the bike all the way down here, injured like that?" Kozik asked, looking down at me. I smiled and nodded. He grinned and pressed his lips to mine, "Mmhm, I love you. I'm so happy you're here, so unbelievably fucking happy Cam."

"Me too, baby. And I love you so much. I'm sorry I pushed you into this." I said, wrapping my arm around his waist. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head.

"You didn't do this, I did. It was my decision." He said, looking down at me. I nodded and sighed, "I missed you like hell, baby. When we get back to the clubhouse I want you to tell me what happened. From start to finish."

I looked up at him and smiled weakly, nodding. I stood on my tip-toes and kissed his lips. He got on his bike, and grabbed my hand, helping me on. I put my helmet on, and lit a cigarette taking a long drag. I held it out for Kozik to take a drag, he took it instantly. I giggled and kissed his ear as he took a drag.

"Look over here." Juice said, we looked at him and smiled; he took a picture of us.

"Let's go home. I got what I came for!" I exclaimed, smiling widely. The guys nodded and got on their bikes. Lee and Clay let us go first, Kozik started his bike and pulled out. I wrapped my arms tightly around his abdomen, then laid my cheek on his back. I was happy; he was happy. We were going home together. We were going to be together again, finally.


	3. The Best Ever, Baby

My Saving Grace

_By: NormanReedus_

_The Best Ever, Baby_

After three quick hours, we pulled into the clubhouse. Kozik got off the bike, then helped me off. He leaned down, pressing his lips on mine; I wrapped my arms around his neck, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him. I smiled against his lips, letting his tongue slip through my lips. Our tongues danced in unison, he ran his hands down my thighs, hooking them and picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding tight onto him.

We never noticed the guys coming up behind us. I heard a picture sound that pulled me from him. I giggled and shook my head. I kissed him once more, then shimmied out of his grasp. I turned around, laying my head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed my head.

"We still need to talk." He said behind me. I nodded and looked up at him, smiling. I heard another motorcycle pull up, it was Piney. I smiled and walked over to him, hugging him. He held me against him tightly and kissed my head.

"I didn't believe it when the boys told me you were back." He said, cradling me in his arms. I smiled and kissed his cheek. I moved so he could get off his trike; we walked over to Kozik and the guys. Piney wrapped his arms around Kozik and hugged him tightly.

"Welcome back." He said, smiling. Kozik nodded as Piney patted his cheek. We walked into the bar and got us a shot. Kozik and I sat on the couch, his arms around me. We watched the guys walk around like they were the big dogs of the world; which in all reality, they were. I laid my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his waist and my leg laid over his thighs.

"So tell me, what exactly happened." He murmured, running his fingers through my hair. I bit my lip and entwined his free hand with mine.

"I was taken by Calaveras; Jill and I were walking downtown LA going dress shopping for the wedding and I was shot. From what Lorca told me, Jill said that Mexicans got out of the ambulance. I can't believe she was killed." I paused, "They took me to Lodi; I was holed up in a basement for two years. Salazar never left my sight, it was rare he'd leave me with his wetback goonies. They raped and beat me every day, and some days more than once. I killed them, all five. Then I ran, and got here yesterday to find out that you weren't here."

"What? No, baby, don't tell me that." He pled, "I could've saved you." I put my finger to his lips, hushing him.

"Don't, Koz. You couldn't have found me. I went off grid, I was in a dungeon for two years. No one knew where I was." I said, looking up at him. I hooked my hand behind his neck, and brought my lips to his.

"I did look for you. After two months of nothing, I went downhill. Everything reminded me of you, except for sweet butts, but trust me, I didn't touch them. You are the only one I want." He said, looking at me. I bit my lip, feeling a tear fall from my eyes. He wiped it away and smiled, caressing my cheeks.

"I love you so much." I whispered, looking over his beautiful face. His lips tugged into a smile, then leaned forward and pressed them to mine. I smiled against his lips, biting his bottom lip, making him groan out. I giggled and slid in his lap, his hands ran down my sides, to my thighs gripping them gently.

"Aye! None of dat 'ere." Chibs called out. I pulled away and giggled, then kissed him once more.

"I love you baby, always and forever." He said, pulling me into a hug. The guys behind us hollered and clapped. I pulled away and shook my head. I got off of Kozik and pulled him up. I looked at the time; 3 PM. "I love you brothers, but I want to go lay in my bed with my woman."

"Yeah!" Lorca yelled, making the guys laugh. I walked over to Happy and wrapped my arms around his waist. He kissed my head and smiled, before he pushed me gently towards Kozik. I wrapped my arm around his waist while we walked to our room and took off our kuttes. We laid them on the chair and kicked our boots off before laying on the on the bed. I laid on my back, he laid his head on my chest, hugging me to him.

He laid on his back, pulling me to him. I laid my head on his chest, draping my arm over his abdomen. His arm rested against my shoulders, running his hand up and down my arm. I sighed, throwing my leg over his waist. I closed my eyes, hearing his heartbeat, then fell into a light slumber.

_Bang, bang, bang_; "Cami, Koz, wake up!" Juice's voice called, pulling me out of my sleep. I opened my eyes and saw that Koz was in the same place as he was before we fell asleep. He had a smile on his face, which made my heart warm. I slid across him, straddling his waist. His eyes popped open and pulled me down, pressing his lips to mine. Juice beat on the door again, "Get a bath! It's 8PM—Cami dress slutty!" He laughed, walking away. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, seeing him laugh below me.

"Good sleep?" He asked, I nodded.

"The best ever, baby." I replied, smiling. I sat up and stared down at him. He sat up and wrapped his arms around me.

"Get a bath and get dressed!" Happy's raspy voice came through the door as he busted in. I looked over my shoulder and saw him gaping. I got off of Kozik and walked to Happy.

"We weren't doing anything, Killa. We were just getting up like Juice demanded." I said, leaning up and kissing his cheek. He nodded and looked down at me, his black eyes staring into mine. He gave me a light smile before nodding at Kozik and walking out the room. I walked over to Kozik, he wrapped his arms around my legs, pushing his face in my stomach. I giggled as he looked up at me. I ran my hands through his blonde hair and leaned down, kissing his lips.

"We're being summoned, let's get a shower and get dressed. I believe we're gonna have us a party tonight." I said, winking at him. He smiled and nodded, looking up at me. I pulled him up by his shirt and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my chin on his chest. I smiled up to him, he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Let's get us a bath baby." He said, making me nod. I pulled away, pulling him in the bathroom. I ran my hands under his shirt, pushing it up over his head. I smiled, trailing my hands down his pecks and tattooed abs. I trailed my fingers down his happy trail and unbuckled his belt and jeans, pushing them slightly—letting them fall to the ground. He smiled and copied my actions, taking my clothes off until I was naked.

He bit his lips and looked down at my stomach, where the scars and cuts were. His face hardened and his eyes became glossy. I reached up, laying my hands on his hands and shook my head, "Don't Koz, this isn't your fault. I'm okay, I promise."

He nodded and sighed, "I know, I just… you should never have to take a beating like that ever, nor being raped. When I find Salazar, I will kill his fucking ass." I smiled weakly, and kissed his lips.

"I know. I think you and Happy are wanting blood." I started, "I take that back, they all want blood."

"Best kind baby." He replied, kissing me once more. I turned and turned the shower on, letting the warm water run in the tub. I felt his arms around my hips, pulling me to him. He took my hair out of the braid, and ran his fingers through my hair. I pulled out of his grasp and stepped into the shower, turning to him and biting my lip smirking up at him. I closed the shower curtain and let the hot water run over and down my body.

I heard him slip in and press against me, then wrapped his arms around me. I turned in his arms and laid my head on his chest, resting my hands on his biceps. I looked up at him and smiled, then laughed at his tattoo on the side of his neck 'Jen'. He was the only one that could ever get away by calling me that. I couldn't believe when he got that of all things tattooed on his skin.

"I've missed you so much." I whispered, before laying my head back down on his chest, "My Surfer Boy is back." He chuckled and kissed my head.

"I've missed you, too. My Jenalay is back." He replied, tightening his grip around me. I shook my head and pulled him under the shower head. He sighed, letting the water cascade over his body. I wanted to talk to him about the drugs, but I didn't know how to start. What could've happened to him scared me.

He grabbed the shampoo and lathered it in my hair, massaging my scalp along the way. I moaned lightly from the missed feeling that I felt two years ago. I mirrored what he done, running my shampooed fingers through his golden hair. Once we were washed, our bodies included, we rinsed off and got out.

I walked to the sink and looked in the mirror; the bruises were visible. I bit my lip and touched the cut on my cheek, wincing at the pain. I looked down at the counter and saw the needles and blood; I don't think I'd ever get that out of my mind.

"Babe, you okay?" He asked, coming up behind me. My black eyes met his blues in the mirror, I shook my head. My lip quivered, the hot tears brimmed my eyes.

"When I got home yesterday, I came to take a shower. I found the needles and the blood." I said, as a stray tear fell from my eye.

"Oh shit, baby, I'm sorry." He apologized, pulling me to him.

"I don't want to ever put you through that again." I sobbed in his chest, "It killed me when Hap told me that you were in Rehab; let alone I knew the reason of why."

"No, no, no, baby. It's not your fault. It's mine." He protested, "I was the one that shot up, and I promise on our lives I will never do that again. No more drugs, just you, me and the club."

"Okay," I said, looking up at him. He smiled and leaned down, kissing my forehead. I walked past him, into the bedroom. I grabbed my dress and laid it on the bed, "Don't wear plaid tonight, babe."

He chuckled and walked up to me, "What? Come on baby, you know that's what drew you to me in the first place."

"No, Surfer Boy, what drew me to you was the hair, those blue eyes and that smile." I said, leaning up to him and kissing his chin. He chuckled and nodded as I walked passed him back into the bathroom. I started my make-up and my hair, thirty minutes later, I was finished.

I walked back into the bedroom, seeing Koz sitting on the bed, shirtless, putting his boots on. I leaned over him, grabbing the dress. I took the towel off and put on a lacey pair of panties, along with a black strapless lace bra that matched. I unzipped the dress and stepped in it, turning my back to Kozik, "Zip me up, please baby."

I felt his fingers brush against my skin, against my tattoo—the one for him. He pressed his lips against it, and zipped me up. I stepped into my shoes that gave me a little height. He stood up and smiled, hooking his arms around me and pulling me to him. I giggled and lifted my head, hissing his chin.

"How do I look?" I asked, turning around, showing him my full attire.

"Slutty, just how I like them." He teased, making me laugh loudly. I grabbed his black t-shirt and put it over his head, then his kutte. I slipped mine on and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of the room. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, I wrapped mine around his waist.

We walked through the halls to the bar and saw SAMTAC, SAMCRO, SAMTAZ, Nomads, and other small charters in the club house. Once they saw us, the whole room was applauding. I saw Donna, Kenny, Ellie, Wendy, Gemma, most of my best girlfriends there with their Old Mans.

I looked up at Kozik and smiled, he mirrored me and leaned down, kissing my lips. We walked towards the charters and hugged everyone. Gemma wrapped her arms around me and kissed my head, "I've missed you baby."

"I've missed you, too." I replied, looking up at her. Ellie and Kenny stood by Donna, looking happy.

"Hey my babies, I've missed yal!" I said, hugging them both. They kissed my cheeks and smiled up at me.

"We missed you Aunt Camilla." Ellie said, hugging me once more. I smiled and looked at Donna, who's eyes were filled with tears.

"Don," I started, as she rushed to me, wrapping her arms around me tightly, crying in my shoulder. I felt arms wrap around us, big arms, arms that belonged to Opie. "Please don't cry, Don. I'm fine, I'm here."

"I know, I just… with Opie being locked up and everything else, you being kidnapped broke my heart. I didn't have anyone to talk to, other than Gemma and Wendy." She admitted, I choked up and pulled away.

"I'm here now. When I don't have to go on runs, you and I will have the ultimate girls' day." I replied, seeing her smile. I wiped the tears from her eyes and kissed her cheeks.

"Okay." She said, smiling. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the bar with me, sitting by Chibs.

"Aye, Prospect, get dis' girl 'ere a shot and a beer!" Chibs called out to the Prospect Dingo. He nodded and poured Chibs, Donna and I a shot, then laid a beer in front of us. The three of us clinked our glasses together and took our shot. The burn numbed my throat, I felt an arm around my neck, by looking at the tattoos it was my brother.

"Give her anything she wants, Prospect." Happy's rough voice called from over me. Dingo nodded and smiled.

"Am I dressed slutty enough?" I asked as Juice walked up. He smiled widely and chuckled, nodding.

"You never have dressed slutty, Cami." He said, winking. I giggled and looked up at Happy, who was clenching his jaws together. I tapped his chest, making him look down at me.

"No madness tonight, let's have a good time with our family." I said, kissing his chin. He looked down at me and nodded slightly. I looked around the room and saw Kozik talking with three sweet butts, Jax, Wendy and Opie.

"Excuse me for a minute." I said, grabbing my beer and walking over to Kozik. He looked at me and wrapped his arm around my waist, "Ope, Jax, you two ready to lose some money?"

"Now, you know darlin' that won't be happening." Jax said, looking down at me. I chuckled and nodded.

"If you're scared, say you're scared." I teased, hearing Wendy burst out into laughter. Kozik leaned down and kissed my head.

"I'm never scared. You're on though, darlin'." He said, turning to the pool table. I looked up at Kozik and winked at him, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind me, "You can even break."

"Works for me. Me and you Jax." I said, as Opie racked the balls. I grabbed my black graphite Jack Daniels pool stick. I grabbed the white cue and rolled it in my hand, before I set it diagonally to the right.

"Get em' baby." Kozik said, slapping my ass. Jax, Opie and I chuckled, I hit the cue, sending to flying into the racked balls, dropping two solids; 2 and 5, and one stripe; the 10.

"Your choice, Cam." Opie said, I nodded and pulled out two grand from my bra and put it on the table.

"Two grand, I want the high." I said, smiling over at the two gaping men. I walked the table, seeing Juice, Kozik and Happy smirking on my side. Tig, Opie and Piney stood on Jax's side. Jax took out two grand and put it on top of mine, "You ready J?"

"Always." He replied, as I called my pockets, hitting the striped 11 and 15 in off of his 3 ball. I looked up at Jax and batted my eyelashes. Walking the table again, I saw that was set up for an easy call.

"9 corner pocket, three rails." I said, getting down and taking my shot. I stood up and smiled, watching the 9 go into the pocket I called. I walked around the table and found another shot, "14 and 12 off of your six ball, left corner pocket." I took my shot and smiled, I have one ball of mine left and the 8 ball.

"Fucking hustler." Bobby said, walking up by me. I chuckled and nodded, setting up my next shot. I took the 13 off his 3 ball, into the side pocket.

"Like taking candy from a baby." I said, lining up the 8 ball for an easy shot—calling the right corner pocket. I took the shot and smiled in triumph. The guys clapped, and walked towards me. Kozik picked me up and swung me around, "Love you Jax, even though you suck at pool."

"You didn't even let me shoot!" He exclaimed dramatically, I smiled ad picked up the money and put it in my bra.

"Anyone else want to go?" I asked, looking at the guys. They shook their heads and laughed, "Oh well, that was fun while it lasted."

"Good job baby. I forgot how good you were." Kozik said, kissing my lips. I smiled and winked at him, taking a swallow of beer. He chuckled and held me close to him.

"Think there is a possibility we can get married like we planned two years ago?" I asked, looking up at him. He pressed his lips to mine, and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he sat on the barstool. Our tongues danced in unison, building up that familiar heat below. This is where I wanted to be, it was where I longed to be. Thank fuck I was finally here.


	4. Two Days

My Saving Grace

_By: NormanReedus_

_Two Days_

It's been two weeks since Kozik and I have been home, and we've been stronger than ever. The guys of SAMCRO went home, as well as SAMTAZ, Nomads and the other charters. The Monday after, just two days ago, was my doctor's appointment. Happy demanded that he was going to be the one taking me to the doctor, so without fussing with him; he went along with Kozik. The news I received killed me, literally. I couldn't have kids—and what hurt the most was that Koz and I both wanted kids.

The doctor put a light on things, though. She told us that with the scar tissue I had from the trauma, there was a slim chance that I could get pregnant, but it wasn't enough. It hurt to hear that I couldn't bear children, much less Kozik's. That made both he and Happy upset—deep down, Happy always wanted me to have the life that I never got, he wanted nieces and nephews.

After we left the doctors, we went to the house that Kozik, Happy and I lived in. Tears fell from my eyes as I walked through the door. I ran in our room and laid on the bed—I wanted kids… I wanted his kids.

* * *

It's been two days since Kozik spoke to me. He hasn't even been around the house that we three shared, it really hurt. I sighed and sat on the bed thinking about him. The two weeks after being back was going great until the news from the doctor. I laid onto the bed, sobbing loudly.

"Camilla…" I heard Happy's rough voice coming through the threshold. I rolled over and looked at him, my tear stained cheeks shining as the sunset hit me.

"What?" I asked, sitting up. He grimaced down, sitting on the bed carefully beside me. He took my hands in his and leaned his head down, kissing them. I felt a tear drop fall onto my hands, I knew he was crying. It's been a long time since I'd seen this sight.

"I'm so sorry, baby girl." He said, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me in his lap. I laid my head on his shoulder and sobbed, "Why don't you and Koz go up to the lake house for a little bit? Everything is fine down here, nothing to worry about. I talked to Lee and he set it up."

"Does he still love me?" I asked in his neck, he nodded.

"Of course I still love you, baby." I heard Kozik say, coming into the room. I looked up at back to him. He walked over to me and took me from Happy's lap and sat on the bed, hugging me against him. Happy leaned over and kissed my head, before he got up.

"Take care of her." He said walking out of the room. I looked up at Kozik, tears falling down my cheeks.

"You haven't talked to me in two days." I said, through the tears. His face softened and licked over his lips.

"That wasn't your fault, baby. I just…" He paused, "I was just thinking about some things. It hurts you know?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I know. The only thing I wanted after I met you, was to have kids with you." I sighed, "And now… I can't. God Koz, I'm so sorry." I buried my head in his neck. His hands ran up and down my back, holding me closer to him.

"It's not your fault baby. You couldn't have done anything about it." He said, "Don't be sorry baby."

"Maybe we can be that slim chance, one day." I said, looking at him. He smiled sadly and pressed his lips to mine for a small sweet kiss. I got off his lap and walked out of the bedroom. Happy was sitting at the table, cleaning his gun. His black eyes looked up at me, lightened up slightly.

"I thought cleaning guns was our thing." I said, leaning against the doorjamb of the kitchen. He chuckled and nodded me over. I walked and sat beside him at the table and grabbed his H&K USP and took it apart.

"Hey babe, what are you wanting to eat tonight?" Kozik asked, walking into the kitchen. I shrugged and looked at Happy, whose face was blank.

"Whatever yal want, I will cook." I said, cleaning the barrel of the gun. Once I was finished, I re-assembled the gun and set it in front of Happy. I got up and kissed Happy's head, as Kozik sat down to clean his gun. They began talking about runs, Happy wanted to transfer Nomad to be able to be closer to Ma.

I sighed loudly, the never said anything about what particularly to eat, so deciding myself taking the hamburger meat out of the fridge and noodles for spaghetti. I started to brown the meat, and boil the noodles. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag. I grabbed a colander and drained the meat. I put the meat back in the pan, then drained the noodles. I grabbed the spaghetti sauce and poured it over the meat, letting it season. I took out the parmesan cheese and plates. I filled three glasses up with tea.

"Okay boys, time to eat." I said, fixing their plates. I walked into the bedroom and changed. I walked back into the kitchen and grabbed my plate. What caught my eye was my guys weren't at the table eating, they were in the living room watching a movie, _Boondock Saints_. We always sat at the table to eat—Happy was the clean freak of the family.

I fixed my plate and walked into the living room, taking my seat on the couch beside Kozik. He smiled at me as I propped up my feet on the coffee table. Happy furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me, "That ain't for feet."

"Guess what brother? You are sitting in my recliner!" I exclaimed, batting my eyelashes. He growled and turned back to his foot, "How's the spaghetti?"

"Amazing like always." Kozik replied, kissing my temple. I smiled and took a bite, it was pretty good. I ate quickly and put our plates in the dishwasher, added detergent and turned it on. I walked back into the living room and sat back in my seat, leaning against Kozik. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head, I stretched out, putting my feet in Happy's lap.

"Hap, rub my feet please." I whined and pouted. He grunted, but complied and massaged my feet. I started laughing, the looked at me like I grew three heads.

"The Tacoma Killa rubbing feet—the things he does for his sissy." I taunted, making Kozik laugh. Happy's brooding eyes adverted to mine, glaring slightly at me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, "I'm the only one that can soften that hard ass brown candy shell."

"You're a bitch." He said, looking at me, but continued to rub my feet.

"I know, before you finish, pop my toes." I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Brat." He said, folding his hand down on my toes, popping them all. I growled out and sat up quickly, drawing my feet to me. I scowled at him, watching him laugh and bat his eyelashes. My phone rang, I looked down and it was an unknown caller. I furrowed my eyebrows and answered it, putting it on speakerphone.

"Hello?" I asked, hearing hard breathing. Happy got up and sat beside me, "Is anyone there?"

"You're gonna die Camilla Lowman." A dark voice said, "I'm going to kill you slowly."

"Who the fuck is this?" Happy growled out, hearing the dial tone. I sat back in the couch, staring at my phone. Happy grabbed his phone and called Juice to run the numbers through his system. I started shaking, what if it was Salazar? Kozik called Lee, who called for church.

I ran into the bedroom and changed quickly, then ran back into the living room. It seemed like everything was going in slow motion. Guns shots rang out, I felt pain in my side. I felt a large body fall on me, covering my own. Loud tire squeals sounded outside, gunshots rang out from our house.

"Camilla? Koz, is she okay?" Happy asked, walking quickly into the house. I breathed heavily, feeling the pain from my side spread. I winced as Kozik hovered over me, taking my hands in his hands.

"I hurt." I whispered, tears falling out of my eyes. Panic flashed over Kozik's face, he looked to Happy and shook his head.

"Call 911 now!" Kozik yelled, taking me in his arms. Happy grabbed the phone and called 911. Kozik cradled me in his arms, running outside. After calling 911, Happy called Lee and the guys.

"Lee and them are going to meet us there." He told Kozik, who just nodded. I smiled weakly and ran my fingers through his hair.

"I love you Koz, remember that." I whispered, closing my eyes and slipping into blackness.


End file.
